Why the winds of change aren’t pushing Tamil cinema anywhere

Today, I saw the trailer for one of this year’s super-mega-blockbuster Tamil releases, Billa 2. I say super-mega-blockbuster with confidence because it will be a super-mega-blockbuster, even if an asteroid hits Earth (pretty much the most unlikely thing that would happen, but yeah). But why do I know this?
1. It’s got Ajith. For some reason, Ajith’s got a huge fan base that guarantees at least 50% of collections for any of his movies. These guys do pujas for him, run around town putting up posters, fall at his feet when they can. Essentially, they’re his lackeys. They’ll beat you up if you say anything negative about him. P.S. He isn’t even a great actor…

(Hehe, he’s holding them up like Oscars)
2. It’s got two babes in bikinis:
And
They’re way better than someone who came in the first Billa:
(too graphic to put the actual photo here)
So, ’nuff said.
3. It’s pretty well made, which is a hearty compliment considering how pointless this movie is. I mean, anyone can write “the rise of a don” movie. Here’s all you need:
  • The hero starts off as a nobody in some shitty place. He’s got a lot of spunk as we see from the initial scenes where his cleverness is displayed in some witty situations.
  • The local gang boss of the shitty village decides to harass the villagers (maybe because of price hikes so he needs to maintain a certain standard of living). This harassment starts slowly but then descends into rape because his henchmen want to live on the edge.
  • Our hero steps in to stop all this nonsense, because clearly he’s the man for the job. Being a shitty villager isn’t enough, he needs a thousand guys to keep coming after him. So he pottutalafies the gang boss and becomes gang boss himself.
  • All his villager buddies somehow transform into gangsters themselves, wearing suits and sunglasses as if they’ve always done that and walk in slow motion. Along the way his village sweetheart joins him too.
  • They all sit in a huge empty hall, waiting for the camera to show them in that huge, empty hall.
(Let’s just get a big, empty hall, to show how I’m understaffed)
  • The hero encounters some business obstacles, like guys who liked the old gang boss don’t do business with him. He gives them an offer they can’t refuse…do business with him. 
  • He starts cheating on his village sweetheart with some sexy urban babe, because he can!
  • And in the end, he becomes a big ass don, that, in this case, we’ll need to rewatch Billa to remember what the hell happened/will happen (so cool man!)

So, anyway…why should you watch Billa 2? I really don’t know, but we’re going to watch it anyway. Because there’s nothing like some good old fashioned punch line spewing and slow motion walks accompanied by ripped off music.

And that’s why the winds of change aren’t pushing Tamil cinema anywhere, because people will watch movies like Billa 2 for no reason whatsoever. 

 

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